If you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, you are probably familiar with the sad or disappointed feelings that come with negative pregnancy tests. While some people develop a “tolerance” for negative test results, most people find each successive test harder to take. The disappointment is even greater when a pregnancy test is negative after fertility treatment.
It is often incredibly difficult to deal with the barrage of emotions that come with negative results, such as the anxiety that perhaps you could still be pregnant, along with the sadness thinking you probably aren’t. How can you cope?
Is It Foolish to Hope You Still Might Be Pregnant?
In the first moments after a negative pregnancy test result, many women experience a slight heartache in the chest, but quickly that feeling can change to more hopeful thoughts — maybe, just maybe you could still be pregnant. You may even get this hope when your period comes. Perhaps this test or period is just a fluke.
Of course, it is true that a negative pregnancy test doesn’t always mean that you are out of the running for that cycle. There are a few factors that may increase the chances that you could still be pregnant:
- Your period is still late: If you got your period, it’s very unlikely you are pregnant. While it does happen, that scenario is extremely rare. If you haven’t gotten your period yet, there is always a chance you may be pregnant. If your period is more than a week or two late and another pregnancy test is still negative, it is probably time to call your doctor. You may need help in regulating your cycles.
- You took the test early: If you took the test three days before your period is due, that is way too early, so don’t give up hope yet! Believe it or not, even the day of your expected period can be too early for many tests. When a woman becomes pregnant, the level of hCG (the pregnancy hormone that pregnancy tests detect) increases in her body. The hCG level builds up slightly differently in every pregnancy, as each pregnancy is unique. Sometimes, women do not get a positive test result until they are at least a few days or even a week late.
- Your cycles are irregular: If your menstrual cycles are irregular, it is more difficult to know for sure when your period is actually late. In this case, it is entirely possible that the negative test result is only because the test was taken too early.
Distinguishing between Fact and Story
The ache in the chest upon getting a negative pregnancy test is usually a reaction to what’s happening at that moment, such as seeing only one pink line instead of two. Often the tears that come with a negative pregnancy test are less about what is actually happening at the moment; they are more about the story you create regarding what the negative test must mean.
We all create stories about what happens in our lives, and that is completely normal. For example, if your partner forgets to make a reservation for your birthday celebration at your favorite restaurant, it shouldn’t really be such a big deal. However, the story you may tell yourself may go something like this – “He forgot because he doesn’t really care about me” or “He cares more about his job than he cares about me.” The stories in your head are what make you upset. In reality, perhaps your partner had a really stressful day at work and couldn’t get a free moment to make the call. Separating out the “facts” from the “story” can help you cope better with difficult situations.
With facts vs. story in mind, when the pregnancy test is negative, the fact may just be that “the test is negative.” It may or may not even mean the cycle failed (yet)! The stories you may tell yourself, however, may include:
- I’ll never get pregnant: This is the biggest and hardest story to get past. One negative test — even twenty negative tests — doesn’t mean you’ll never, ever get pregnant. The reality may be, however, that you may need help from a reproductive specialist to achieve success.
- I’ll never be a mother/father: If, after getting a negative pregnancy test, you find yourself imagining the rest of your life without the child in your dreams, you’re in good company. However, you must also remember that one negative test doesn’t mean you will never become a parent.
- Treatment isn’t going to work for me: If your test was negative after your first or even second try at a particular treatment, there is no need to presume that this is a sign of future failure. Several attempts of any given treatment are commonly needed before you and your reproductive specialist will know if the treatment will work for you or not. Even if your fourth attempt with a given treatment results in a negative pregnancy test, it does not mean changing treatment or making minor adjustments to certain aspects of the treatment won’t help.
- I am a failure: Just the word “test” alone can bring on feelings of stress. Getting a negative pregnancy test can quickly take us back to our school days. How often did we have the feeling then, that if we failed a “test,” that meant we were failures? No matter what, a negative pregnancy test is not an indication of your worth as a person. It is important to remember that even if you do not get pregnant, negative test results say absolutely nothing about who you are.
So, looking at the big picture, it is important to remember facts vs. story. Even if your worst fears come true and you cannot conceive or pursue fertility treatment to conceive, you may have other opportunities to be a parent or involved in the life of a special child. Other opportunities include foster care, adoption, or even being a special aunt or uncle to your nieces and nephews or even the children of your friends.
To be clear, do not brush away the sadness that comes with a negative pregnancy test; of course, the results are very upsetting! But at the same time, it is critical to keep the long-term view in check. Don’t allow a negative test result, or even the fear that you’ll never become a biological parent, hold all the keys to your life happiness. Make time to cry or talk to someone about your feelings, but then make time to have fun and live life fully.
In the Houston area, the physicians and professional staff at The Center of Reproductive Medicine are well known for their high level of success in helping couples to conceive. Our reproductive specialists at CORM are committed to providing the highest quality reproductive medicine, ensuring exceptional care is given to every patient/couple undergoing fertility treatment.